i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
