i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
