Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
