I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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