Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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