Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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