he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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