I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
