my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
