Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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