I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He has the fingertips of a God
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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