Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You ate ashes out of my bong
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
