I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize