this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
