he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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