I am in a vortex of obligation.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
