Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
