if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
