dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
