I puked a lego.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
