oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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