the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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