he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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