The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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