I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
