I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
