the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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