There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
