no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
