Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
