yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
