Who did Billy Mays play for?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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