So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
