You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
