I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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