i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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