I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
