Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
