Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
