It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
