I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
