I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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