We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
