Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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