Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
