Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
