So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
