I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
