there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
