Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
