i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
