I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
