OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
