I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
