the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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