hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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