you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
